Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
