I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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