Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
