dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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