can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
