the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
