is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
