Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
