no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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