What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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