you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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