He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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