Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
