anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
