i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
