What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
