literally had 100 drinks last night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
