hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
