I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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