Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
