Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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