Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
