I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
