I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
