Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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