DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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