I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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