doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
