you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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