I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
