Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
