I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
