she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
