got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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