laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
