then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
