Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
