This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
50% drunk capacity currently
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
