"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
