it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
