She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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