his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
