that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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