do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
