I am puke
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
