I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
