I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
