What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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