He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
