she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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