3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
