I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
